I remember when I first had my first full blown panic attack: It was horrible. I literally felt like I was going to die and the pain was unbearable. I had no idea what was going on. Never in my life had I experienced such an event. I was confused and began to fear the irrational. My favorite activity was forever (or so I thought) tainted with lingering bouts of anxiety.
I went to the doctors to complain about my problems mostly because I felt they were out of my hands. I paid money, like a fool, to consult a doctor about my “anxiety”. Anxiety that manifested in my head ONLY. My anxiety wasn’t protruding into the real world making inanimate objects come alive; justifying my fear, no it remained in my head. My doctor gave me some good general advice, but he also prescribed me a pill. This pill would not eliminate my anxiety, no, only subdue it for some time. My brain is the product of billions of years of evolution as well as 20 years of life experiences. You are going to need more than a pill to conquer fear.
I “knew” what was wrong with me. You see my doctor and those around me only “thought” what could be wrong with me. Of course how could they know. They couldn’t. This exposed me to the obvious: Only I was in control of my fear. Only I because upon closer examination, I truly “knew” what the problems were. I was no longer thinking, no longer drowning in blissful ignorance. I knew the truth and as they say, only the truth will see you free. No truer words exist.
I knew that this anxiety was all in my head and so I decided that I would once again participate in my favorite activity. Upon indulging, the anxiety was quick to kick in. The pain in my chest and the numbing of my hand was nothing more than an event that I had already gone through once. I knew I would come out of it alive. The heart attack like symptoms were trying to keep me down but I knew that I would remain alive. I knew I was going to be ok. The truth had set me free. The panic attacks would never return.
I was going to originally make this as my wallpaper but once I set it, it didn’t look that good. I still like the results though. This is also the first time I have ever worked with such a large image.
I’ve done some stuff way back but that work has since been lost. I’ve been using GIMP on and on for a few years now. I don’t ever plan on letting go of GIMP or using anything else for the simple fact that GIMP is free. Free, open-source work is the future.
I still feel very new and I am constantly learning new things every hour. I’m just at the beginning of doing this again. Hopefully I don’t just give up like I have in the past.